Not a Diva? You don’t have to be

You just be you.

It’s not like any one of us can actually be other than who we are are. Problems, when there are any, come from other people wanting us to behave as if we are someone else. Typically, someone less troublesome, more compliant and not disruptive to anyone else’s preferences.

High androgen women tend not to fit neatly into 20th century social definitions of acceptable female behavior. Some of us are cheerfully, intentionally defiant. Some are simply unconcerned and unaffected by disapproval or lack of respect or kindness directed at us because of our differences. Others of us are sadly, unwillingly different-from the comfortable “norm”, and suffer the defamation of other people’s prejudices and limitations deeply, every day. Horrifyingly, in some cultures, non-compliant high androgen women are traumatized with rejection and eventually murdered, often by their own family, their close neighbors. This site aims to be a source of high quality information, of soothing, strengthening real life stories, a node of connection for a world-wide community of women who inhabit their authentic selves in peace and love.

For most of my life, being called a “Diva” was an insult. It was a judgement, implying a narcissistic self-absorption, a self-adoration rarely justified by personal achievement.

More recently “diva” seems to be used to describe any woman, operatic genius or not, who is primarily admired for her ability to focus mass attention on her typically cis-het appearance, accompanied by some form of remarkable financial success. A 21st century diva is admired to the degree she exhibits personal control over who she pleases, and how.

I want to validate EVERY woman’s right to want what she wants and get what she wants, because she wants it. After 2000 years of patriarchy, during which time women have been treated as if we are less-then, as if we are not fully human, and our lives have not been wholly under our own control, feeling like a modernly-defined diva can be pretty exhilarating. I do not want us to forget for a moment that when we exclude, we cause harm. I want not-slim, not-smooth, not-approved-as-arousing-to cis-males high androgen woman to be seen accurately and celebrated authentically, too.

I want every high androgen woman to experience herself in full control over every choice in her life. I want our choices to be free of obligations that require suppression of our true nature. If your power is freed up when you wear a crown, shine on precious jewel! If your effectiveness and joy are born from your inner resources and expressed without personal reference at all, I want that river to flow! A Diva, a Queen, a Warrior Woman, a Witch, Poet, Farmer, Builder, Thinker, Helper, Maker, Mom, whoever you are, whatever your contribution,  I want you to Be You. We will help each other get there.